Blacking Out

Swirling tendril thoughts dance like embers into a deepening night sky

Becoming long dead stars, twinkling twice, and disappearing

Somewhere into the dark beyond

I turn my head sideways then back again

Epley manoeuvring my head until the vertigo abates

Nystagmus flutters through my vision

Then settles again behind beyond tired eyes

Leaving only uncertainty in its wake

Like little internal earthquakes, these shudders and shakes leave me trembling

A body performing unsteady double-step dance moves

Without any background music or end

This shuffling footfall is heavy, like wearing wet turnout gear to a dance party

The cacophony of noise from within the unquiet mind

Brings back the rush of thermonuclear heat from a bushfire

Black days to remember and try to forget in equal measure

And a fugue state you can’t wait to return from

These brushfires in my brain can’t be contained

By contoured fire breaks carved into the earth

This backcountry is conceded, and remains so

Despite the best intentions of the strike teams

Boundaries, borders, and fence lines disappear behind the backburn

While the wispy lines of a crowning potential

Sparks up then fades out in an instant
Just like fire would